I’m working on a knitting project. I started it for the Ravelympics and cast on during the opening ceremonies of the Vancouver 2010 Olympic Games. My goal – to write a pattern that I would submit to Knitty once it was written and I had knit the sample. The idea is good, the yarn I’ve chosen I really like – I get gauge!
So why have I sat on occasion paralyzed by it? And not only by the problem at hand – I’ve suffered this trauma for years. When faced with a problem I will do anything other than solve it – hmmm, those chips look tasty; oh, do we have ice cream? What? We don’t have ice cream? I’ll go get some!
You get the picture.
I’ve even been intending to blog about it right here. For two weeks now. The words run through my head. The thoughts crowd around, all of them brilliant, witty, perfect bon mots which, if I wrote them down would have people spreading the news of my brilliant thoughts all over the internet – Facebook, Twitter, Gmail and social networking sites I’ve never even heard of.
But no. Instead I sit, squashed under the weight of the responsibility I’ve given myself. Like it’s a big thing. The next big thing. And the ideas drift off, lost in the mists of my mind.
So today, I am writing this. I need to kill the inertia. And by putting fingers to keyboard, I’m at least doing something – attempting to understand this crushing inertia that sits on me. A fear of failure? rejection? work? success? If I don’t finish this project then I won’t be rejected by Knitty. If I don’t finish this project then it will be there for me later. If I don’t finish this project I can put it away in the closet with a few other UFOs I’ve stashed away guiltily. If I don’t finish this project I’ll have more time for reading, searching the internet, doing the laundry, washing the dishes, drinking a glass of wine.
I am going to finish this project. Step one. Get back to knitting as soon as I’ve posted this to drafts. (I’ll read it in the morning with a fresh eye.) I’ll finish Right Front, I’ll rip Left Front 2, I’ll frog Left Front 1 (Oh, I didn’t mention there was a Left Front 1? Funny about that. Couldn’t convince myself to rip it out yet. I’ll need the yarn for Sleeve 2, after all.)
Update: Three days later.
Not only did I finish the second sleeve, but I also did lots of editing of the pattern today. The horizon looks brighter. Now – blocking and joining and all that fun. Tomorrow’s tasks already mounting up. I’ll have to go to bed and sleep on it.